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Do you look down on old(40ish) single people?

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kawashima
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PostPosted: 15:44 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Do you look down on old(40ish) single people? Reply with quote

Do you look down on old(40ish) single people?
I heard one of my male colleague who's got married, got kid, and got his own house said "40ish single people living in a rented small house is pitiful and miserable" at work.

I like living single life. I pay a lot for my various hobbies. I want to control what to eat myself. I decide what to do on weekend myself.
So I find zero merit for marriage.

Usually I'm not annoyed at those words that much, but on that day I was a little bit annoyed at him cause he said the words so that I can hear him. (he was talking with the other married male member)

I wondered typical married male people like him look down on 40is single people.

Is this more prone in Europe? I heard European people put high priority on their family.
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delsol
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PostPosted: 15:47 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

If they are smaller than me, then yes.
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Boris the spider
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PostPosted: 15:50 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

Only during sex
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hachi8
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PostPosted: 15:51 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Re: Do you look down on old(40ish) single people? Reply with quote

kawashima wrote:
Do you look down on old(40ish) single people?
I heard one of my male colleague who's got married, got kid, and got his own house said "40ish single people living in a rented small house is pitiful and miserable" at work.

I like living single life. I pay a lot for my various hobbies. I want to control what to eat myself. I decide what to do on weekend myself.
So I find zero merit for marriage.

Usually I'm not annoyed at those words that much, but on that day I was a little bit annoyed at him cause he said the words so that I can hear him. (he was talking with the other married male member)

I wondered typical married male people like him look down on 40is single people.

Is this more prone in Europe? I heard European people put high priority on their family.


Just as he was with single 40s...you are sterotyping married people.

I am married..but I decide what I eat...decide what I do of a weekend and pay a lot for my various hobbies.

Just cos you are married, your life doesnt stop.....its no different to being single other than you are guaranteed a shag at the end of the night.

Unless you are under the thumb and let your missus control you...which is pathetic in this day and age.
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arry
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PostPosted: 15:54 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Re: Do you look down on old(40ish) single people? Reply with quote

kawashima wrote:

I wondered typical married male people like him look down on 40is single people.


Generally speaking no, I wouldn't look down on them. Why would it be my business whether they're hitched or not? If they haven't met the right person yet, or aren't even looking, that's no reason to see them in a poor light.

kawashima wrote:


I like living single life. I pay a lot for my various hobbies. I want to control what to eat myself. I decide what to do on weekend myself.
So I find zero merit for marriage.


Sorry, but what? I've been married a long time and can do all of those things too - the difference being I have someone to share my life with in an intimate way; a soulmate, someone to rely on, someone to support, someone to support me.

Yeah it means that on occasion I'll not do EXACTLY what I would have done had I not been married but then I'm sure my wife doesn't get it all her own way either; compromise on both sides required - but the sum product of the co-operative is greater together than apart.

To suggest that having a wife/life partner that you truly cared for would be a detriment to your social life is a very narrow and lop sided view of the world.
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gbrand42
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PostPosted: 15:58 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm a forty-ish married man and there have been some occasions when I have been quite envious of the single life. All in all I am very happy being married with a kid but I certainly don't look down on the singles of my age. Good luck to them I say, we all have to live our own life as we see fit, not what society deems the norm.

And being married does not mean you waive all right to deciding what eat, how to spend your leisure time or what to spend your spare cash on, unless you are well under the thumb of course.
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kawashima
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PostPosted: 16:18 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

delsol wrote:
If they are smaller than me, then yes.

You regard he is single because he's such a small people?
Boris the spider wrote:
Only during sex

Having no partner, some people ask me if I don't like female. Thumbs Down
Some politicians asks "why don't you get married?" too here.
hachi8 wrote:

Just as he was with single 40s...you are sterotyping married people.

I am married..but I decide what I eat...decide what I do of a weekend and pay a lot for my various hobbies.

Just cos you are married, your life doesnt stop.....its no different to being single other than you are guaranteed a shag at the end of the night.

Unless you are under the thumb and let your missus control you...which is pathetic in this day and age.

I think it is really cool. I see many married male being controlled by his missus.(everything)
To be honest, if I had got married, I wouldn't have been able to spend this much for my hobbies. Need more salary, and need to persuade my wife.
I think your way of living is really cool.
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metalangel
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PostPosted: 16:45 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

Single meaning never married, or single meaning divorced?

My best friend's man is a single (never married) guy in his 40s. He's good looking and fairly intelligent, but as time passes she's beginning to see why nobody married him, his longest ever relationship was six months.

I hope no-one deigns to look down on me if I haven't met their stupid societal expectations and gotten married by the time I'm forty. It was bad enough being 30 and people asking the now-ex and I when we were going to get married, when we were going to have kids...
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kawashima
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PostPosted: 17:02 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Re: Do you look down on old(40ish) single people? Reply with quote

arry wrote:
Generally speaking no, I wouldn't look down on them. Why would it be my business whether they're hitched or not? If they haven't met the right person yet, or aren't even looking, that's no reason to see them in a poor light.

Thanks for your response. It relieves my anxiety.

arry wrote:
Sorry, but what? I've been married a long time and can do all of those things too - the difference being I have someone to share my life with in an intimate way; a soulmate, someone to rely on, someone to support, someone to support me.

Yeah it means that on occasion I'll not do EXACTLY what I would have done had I not been married but then I'm sure my wife doesn't get it all her own way either; compromise on both sides required - but the sum product of the co-operative is greater together than apart.

To suggest that having a wife/life partner that you truly cared for would be a detriment to your social life is a very narrow and lop sided view of the world.

Married male in UK seems much more independent compared to them here now.
I think people who can have greater sum product of co-operative should get married. (And they will be happier). And it is of course important for future generation too.

gbrand42 wrote:
Good luck to them I say, we all have to live our own life as we see fit, not what society deems the norm.

And being married does not mean you waive all right to deciding what eat, how to spend your leisure time or what to spend your spare cash on, unless you are well under the thumb of course.

Thanks for your advice Thumbs Up
(Regarding food, dinners are often cooked by married females, for me I ate same dishes with full of vegetable for 5 month to reduce my weight, this may be extreme)
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Itchy
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PostPosted: 17:06 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kawashima san, the problem is you're a Far Eastern Asian.

Our societies do not consider us to be adults until we get married, i.e. we are STILL essentially part of our parent's families even if we aren't.


This is why they look down on us as Asian societies have unspoke castes of people.

You could always marry my sister and have a fake relationship with her to shut MY parents up and YOUR parents.

Her contract expired 4 days ago at Nagoya University Wink and she leaves on the 28th at Haneda.
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha
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PostPosted: 17:14 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Re: Do you look down on old(40ish) single people? Reply with quote

arry wrote:
I have someone to share my life with in an intimate way; a soulmate, someone to rely on, someone to support, someone to support me.


You sick bastard.
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PostPosted: 17:14 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would look on the person having made such a comment as being in many ways, unhappy with his own lifestyle if he has to openly denegrate other peoples.

Perhaps he is jealous because his wife wont let him have a motorbike? Being a forthright person, I would probably have asked him if this was the case.

I am married and get a similar thing from couples with children. As if I am somehow incomplete and lesser because I've chosen not to breed and dedicate decades of my life to adding more people to an already overcrowded world. People referr to us as a "childless couple" as if it's something to pity. I've gone to considerable effort to make sure this stays the case. I preferr the term "DINKY" (double income, no kids yet).

That said. We all need someone to feel superior to... That's why nature gave us unemployed, overweight, 30 year old virgins who still live in their parents house.
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha
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PostPosted: 17:19 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

kawashima wrote:
delsol wrote:
If they are smaller than me, then yes.

You regard he is single because he's such a small people?


I *think* it was an attempt at humour. You asked if he looks down on unmarried men - and he said only if they're smaller. I.e. he literally LOOKS DOWN on them from above.

Is very funny, no?
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kawashima
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PostPosted: 17:21 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

metalangel wrote:
Single meaning never married, or single meaning divorced?

My best friend's man is a single (never married) guy in his 40s. He's good looking and fairly intelligent, but as time passes she's beginning to see why nobody married him, his longest ever relationship was six months.

I hope no-one deigns to look down on me if I haven't met their stupid societal expectations and gotten married by the time I'm forty. It was bad enough being 30 and people asking the now-ex and I when we were going to get married, when we were going to have kids...

I was meaning "never married". To be honest, I've never had got married nor had any relationship with any GFs. Only once I had told this to one of my colleague then he said I am "abnormal"...
I was shocked and never told about it since then. So I've never lived with other person for 22 years after graduation. I hope lots of you don't regard me as abnormal. I think your post includes me too.
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kawashima
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PostPosted: 17:44 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

Itchy wrote:
Kawashima san, the problem is you're a Far Eastern Asian.

Our societies do not consider us to be adults until we get married, i.e. we are STILL essentially part of our parent's families even if we aren't.


This is why they look down on us as Asian societies have unspoke castes of people.

This is informative for me thanks! (People in countryside often have this kind of thought here too)

stinkwheel wrote:
I would look on the person having made such a comment as being in many ways, unhappy with his own lifestyle if he has to openly denegrate other peoples.

Perhaps he is jealous because his wife wont let him have a motorbike? Being a forthright person, I would probably have asked him if this was the case.

I am married and get a similar thing from couples with children. As if I am somehow incomplete and lesser because I've chosen not to breed and dedicate decades of my life to adding more people to an already overcrowded world. People referr to us as a "childless couple" as if it's something to pity. I've gone to considerable effort to make sure this stays the case. I preferr the term "DINKY" (double income, no kids yet).

That said. We all need someone to feel superior to... That's why nature gave us unemployed, overweight, 30 year old virgins who still live in their parents house.

Thank you very much for your post stinkwheel. Your post was really helpful.

trevor saxe-coburg-gotha wrote:
I *think* it was an attempt at humour. You asked if he looks down on unmarried men - and he said only if they're smaller. I.e. he literally LOOKS DOWN on them from above.

Is very funny, no?

Thanks for explaining it to me. I got it! It's funny Thumbs Up
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PostPosted: 18:12 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd possibly think less of someone who lived an unfulfilling life by choice. That could be a single person who's miserable yet won't venture out to look for a partner or a married person who's unhappy at home but will do nothing to either repair or terminate the relationship.

I'd certainly think less of them if I've had to listen to them complaining about how bad their life is for weeks on end but they refuse to take any sort of action.
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delsol
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PostPosted: 18:16 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kawashima San,

It was my very unsatisfactory 'attempt' at humour, no offence intended.
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Tungtvann
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PostPosted: 18:19 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do a little bit, there's always the question 'why?' I see myself going the same way, unfortunately. I don't really know any 40-ish year old men who've never been married, anyone who reaches that age without marriage or children is quite often seen as a bit strange.

My job has never helped, I've never felt I've been able to commit myself fully to someone because I'll either be sent away to Afghanistan (like now) or get a new posting at the other side of the country. I've never been able to enter a relationship knowing things were going to be steady for me. Because of this, I've learnt to stay disconnected from people and that means relationships suffer.

I'm one year away from 30, where do I see myself in 10 years? Single, never having to answer to anyone, making the most of my time but ultimately alone. I'm kind of okay with this at the moment, I can still do the things of a young man, but to do everything I do now as a 40 year old, would be weird.

Anyone who says they're married and can do whatever they want, whenever they want is lying. There's always a compromise, always. I'm not able to compromise and that's my problem I think.
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Wonko The Sane
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PostPosted: 18:38 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not really, it's up to them if they want to rent a nice little flat, deck it out how they want and live how they want.

Provided they're paying their way for what they have I couldn't care less.


I do get confused by people who are engaged for 10-15 years without getting round to getting hitched and wonder if someone has a commitment problem… Smile
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PostPosted: 18:54 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, I don't look down on them, I look towards them, for a glimpse at my likely future.
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slowlydoesit
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PostPosted: 19:56 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Re: Do you look down on old(40ish) single people? Reply with quote

kawashima wrote:
Do you look down on old(40ish) single people?

Short answer: no.
If people are happy single then that's fine. I think there are many great things about being married with children, but there are also many downsides. Your freedom is, not lost exactly, but restricted, and you are responsible for those children. Not just financially but morally.

If you're single in your 40s that suggests to me that you'll never be married and have kids. So what? If you're happy, that's fine. If, as you say, you find "zero merit" in marriage, that's not a problem. Other people have different views, you have your view.

Enjoy life, enjoy your hobbies. Thumbs Up
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Benno
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PostPosted: 21:16 - 19 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tungtvann wrote:
I do a little bit, there's always the question 'why?' I see myself going the same way, unfortunately. I don't really know any 40-ish year old men who've never been married, anyone who reaches that age without marriage or children is quite often seen as a bit strange.

My job has never helped, I've never felt I've been able to commit myself fully to someone because I'll either be sent away to Afghanistan (like now) or get a new posting at the other side of the country. I've never been able to enter a relationship knowing things were going to be steady for me. Because of this, I've learnt to stay disconnected from people and that means relationships suffer.

I'm one year away from 30, where do I see myself in 10 years? Single, never having to answer to anyone, making the most of my time but ultimately alone. I'm kind of okay with this at the moment, I can still do the things of a young man, but to do everything I do now as a 40 year old, would be weird.

Anyone who says they're married and can do whatever they want, whenever they want is lying. There's always a compromise, always. I'm not able to compromise and that's my problem I think.


Your 30s are still a great time to be single. At least here in London almost all the 30s women I meet are single and my colleague (who is single and in his mid 30s) is loving it at the moment. You still have time!

Also everything you mention is pretty much why I went the way of the army reserves instead of regulars Sad

In fact, the dude in the office upstairs is 40 years old and has just married a hot 30 year old polish chick. Age never stops you, just don't get fat.
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krarkol
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PostPosted: 07:07 - 20 Jul 2014    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some people just aren't interested, either because they just aren't or through bad experiences.

If they are single and don't have kids, why would they buy a house? Not exactly an investment is it, they spend all that money and then die and some random person/company profits off it. I'd be living rented too at that age if I had no next of kin that would benefit off my estate.

My dad for example, he's in his 50's and him and my mum split up around 7 years ago. He'd sell up and move to a rented place if it wasn't for the fact that the house is an investment for myself and my sister.

I think people are too quick to judge others, just because their situation has different needs and allows different decisions to be made.

Me personally, atm I don't really fancy getting married. I like the freedom and not having to plan around someone else's needs and stuff. It can be seen as selfish but it's my life and I'll do what I want with it Laughing

I do think some people just feel they need to rush into it as they enjoy the feeling of having someone there willing to commit to saying they want to spend the rest of their life with them. Some people just want to feel loved. I couldn't give a toss, you either like me or you don't.
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