Life Issues

[-Monty-]

I have wanted to start this thread for a while now but have never really got around to it, but I think now I really could do with some advice from the BCF masses. I'm not sure how well I'm going to be able to put my issues into words (never been much good at it) but here goes;

I currently work as an Architectural Technician which is pretty much what I went to college for 2 years to do. However; now nearly 2 years into the job it is pretty apparent that I am not cut out for this sort of work.

When I first started in 2012 I thought I was pretty much the luckiest guy in the world to get the job almost straight after leaving college. Now; however, I am now finding it increasingly difficult to find any sort of motivation or passion for the job and usually just find myself counting down the hours until 5pm.

I am not trying to suggest that the job is to blame for this as I think the real problem is me. In addition to taking me on in the first place, the company has invested money in me by sending me on a pretty expensive course which after 3 attempts I still cannot pass, despite spending a hell of a lot of my own time (as well as work time) studying.

Over the past few months this has started to make me feel like something of a failure as I have let down my employer multiple times because of the aforementioned exam as well as my parents who have allowed me to stay living with them for negligible living costs so I can get my carrier up and running without having to worry about bills etc.

This is making me feel increasingly miserable outside of work and I am starting to loose interest in other aspects of my life. I think the most upsetting part of it is that I left college on a high (worked my ass off and got excellent grades), and in the space of 2 years I have gone from that to being something of a failure.

So, my dilemma is what do I do with my life now? I'm in a pretty awkward position, as I don't feel as though I can continue as I am, my situation will just get worse and worse until I start suffering from real depression. However, I don't really know what other option I have as I'm not really qualified to do anything else, plus I have signed an agreement at work to pay the cost of the course I was sent on should I leave within 2 years. I'm not particularly keen on going back into education as it would mean another 2 years minimum of not earning a real wage and another 2 years of scrounging from my parents. Also, I have worked in a few different types of job now and whilst I have always been hard working, I have never really found anything I am actually good at which is very frustrating.

Or, perhaps the big problem is not actually what's going on with work. Besides biking, I don't really have any interests to pursue outside of my working life which means I will often spend entire evenings pointlessly browsing the internet and not doing anything productive. As well as this, my diet is not brilliant and I don't really do any form of exercise. I eat/drink a ridiculous amount of sugar when I think about it, mostly just because I get bored and don't have much else to do...

Another note which may or may not be relevant is that I have a second job during the weekends so I am currently working seven days a week (saving up for my own place).

If BCF could give some advice on what my best bet might be, it would be massively appreciated

I hope I have adequately described my issues. I know there are many other things I would like to sort out but this is currently my main issue and my thinking is that the majority of other issues I have will slot into place once this is sorted.

PS: Bloody hell, just realized that took the best part of an hour to write!
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[Itchy]

You sound like me and my relationship with accountancy.

Except I passed the exams first time and paid for them out my pocket but it did suck the life out of me. I went mad and went on a long motorbike ride to Japan.

I am still an accountant but on my terms.

Changing course does not mean college or university btw the government want you to think this but its just a ponzi scheme.

Maybe take up a trade become a journey man?

Be thankful you found out before you got TOO deep to get out.
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Spain 2008France 2007Big one 2009 We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. In the end, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.

[Clutchy]

Can't help with your work problems but if you don't have any hobbies, join a gym, you'll feel better straight away, I feel I have a much clearer head now I'm back in the gym after a 8 month gap. Will give you something to do too.
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[Beehive Bedlam]

Stop delaying the inevitable and kill yourself.

[The Shaggy D.A.]

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[Raffles]

[FlightRisk]

[Omega]

Try setting yourself a target. I've got to a point where I'm sick of my job but I can't really justify quitting just yet. I've started saving pretty hard and have told myself I can quit when I save up £100k. Now there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it gives me something else to keep my mind occupied when I'm trying to sleep instead of "work is shit".

Most of us don't have jobs we love. It's something you've just got to learn to deal with. Your big problem right now IMO is that you have too many options. If you was living on your own and had very little expendable income you'd probably be quite happy and not over thinking everything. I was "happiest" when I could just about afford to feed myself through the week and spend a tenner at the weekend in the pub. Now I've rented my house out, moved back in with my dad, cleared my debts and am saving I find myself questioning my life etc a lot.

If I was you right now I'd probably make an agreement with myself that I can quit and find a new career after passing the course and saving up for a house deposit. Once you reach your target you can decide if it's something you actually want to do.

TL:DR - Cut down your options and set targets for yourself. It's part of being above average intelligence that you'll question yourself so much.

[dydey90]

[R_Josh]

Personally, I wouldn't quit the job just yet. I don't think there are many people who actually enjoy their jobs and genuinely look forward to going to it. I like my job but I am always looking at the clock waiting to go home because there are many other things I much rather do.

Sounds to me like you're just bored. Why don't you try a new hobby; preferably something physical like kick-boxing. When you come back from such activity you will not have the energy to browse the internet pointlessly.

Good Luck
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Excuse my brevity

[Skudd]

Quite the weekend job, concentrate on your main job. Then you will be able to study properly and retain the information so that you can pass exams. Once you are having some success in your job you will feel better about it, then you will move up the ladder and earn more from your job.

You still live at home.......... you don't need two jobs.......... you don't have worries about putting a roof over your head. I wish I was back to those days.
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[DrDonnyBrago]

[Hetzer]

Poor diet = poor study. Exercise your will.
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"There's the horizon! Ride hard, ride fast and cut down all who stand in your way!"

[-Monty-]

Thanks for all the replies so far (with the exception of one). To respond to each of you:

[Bendy]

[GhostRider]

In brief:

- Stop eating shit, read around the "getting ripped" thread a few posts down, or just search G's post history, he loves nothing more than posting Teflon Mike style about training and nutrition, I don't agree with all of it, but he's not "wrong" either. So yeah, read stuff, take action, start training, be it weights or some kind of sport/martial art, but just do something.

- Get a hobby, or rather several. They don't have to be, and often aren't, expensive, but whilst the internet is a wonderful thing it really does drain your time and energy insidiously.

- At 21 almost having your target of a house deposit is admirable, so well done. However, mortgages aren't synonymous with freedom to act, career wise. You are less likely to chase your dreams knowing they will take your house away from you. Might be an option to stash the money away somewhere so that once you have your career sorted, you can pick up where you left off.

- Maybe you need to change the way you learn, if you have tried 3 times and you're failing still, you need to determine what the problem is - do you find the material difficult? Is it boring and you have no interest in it? (this makes it very difficult to learn). Being difficult is not an obstacle in itself, you just need to find a better way to absorb the information and be able to recall it and utilize it properly, so you might want to review this and try a different approach.

- But the above is pointless if you don't really want to be in this line of work anymore. And this is the crucial thing. You're 21, and you won't be able to realise this yet due to being young and naive (as any 21yr old is) but you've got every opportunity to make changes now. In 10 years time it will be a lot harder.

So you need to ask yourself what you want to do with the rest of your life. You'll have a good 40-50 years of doing it, so it would be a good idea if you didn't have to drag yourself out of bed every morning to do it. So think. Really fucking think. If you had 3 careers you could pursue, there were no barriers, forget the limitations for a second, ignore what immediately springs to mind to stop you - what would they be? But be realistic - not many people are going to succeed at driving formula 1 cars for a living....

With those 3 (or 5, or whatever) - what would it take to get there? Find out, properly. And then ask yourself seriously, whats stopping you? Fear is normal, its scary to throw yourself into the unfamiliar.

Maybe it involves extra study, maybe even for 2-3 years, and you ain't keen on that. Well so fucking what. You need to think in the long term, yeah the next 2-3 years might suck in terms of social life/money issues/whatever, but if it means the next 10-20 years are spent in a fulfilling place, in terms of happiness and monetary reward, then the payoff is worth the suffering.

Fuck feeling bad for anyone - your current employer (they'll find someone else, they will survive without you) your parents (when they are dead and buried you'll still have plenty of years left to live, would you like them to be happy years or miserable ones?), you can be nice and caring about people once you get where you wanna be. In the meantime you're going to have to be a bit selfish. It's ok, they'll forgive you.

There's little room for fucking up these days, less so when you get older, make the right choices now, stop making excuses and lying to yourself, go out and do what the fuck needs to be done. If at the end of it all, it still doesn't work out, then welcome to life, nothings promised, except that no one can help you if you won't help yourself. But at least by trying, you at least stand a fucking chance of success.

GhostRdier
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I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

[Tungtvann]

It's almost never too late to start again, I'm almost 30 and about to do it. 8 years in the military and realised I've had enough, can't stand the fucking organisation. I've only come to realise this recently, and instead of despair, it feels like a revelation.

Have a plan. Have an end state. What do you need to do to make you happy. It's probably easier for you to do this now than in years to come, you've no real commitments (house, wife, kids?) and a new job might not necessarily mean a massive pay cut. One of the things that keeps people in the army for ages is their perceived inability to be able to earn as much as they do currently. I'm combatting this by trying to get qualifications in a field that'll allow me to enter at a level which pays far more than I'm on now.

If I had a wife and kids, I'd probably be fucked as I wouldn't be able to sack off the army so easily! Don't get trapped like this either!

[-Monty-]

[Bendy]

[Clanger]

Why not consider Working Visa's and fook off around the world and gain experience in your field by working different projects in different countries. I bet there's plenty projects out there waiting for you...

And while you're out and about, look out for designs you like, take photos of them, build up your scrapbook...

You are young, you should be out there living your life...go do it, while you can / not limited by age.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss

[Omega]

[Tungtvann]

For Monty: as part of my resettlement, the military allows me to do some courses whilst still serving. There is also distance learning stuff which I can do any time and I've saved up enough money to fund me when I finally do leave for quite a period of time.

In between all that and the fact I'm under no pressure to leave just yet should give me enough freedom to get trained to the level I need.

I hope...

[CBFcarl]

[Itchy]

[gbrand42]