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Feasty
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PostPosted: 08:55 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: How to live your life... Reply with quote

I'm getting bored of disagreements with the wife, we've been married nearly 20 years and have a 9yr old kid. Most arguments/disagreements occur because we have different standards - I like to live life chilled out, don't let negative things bother me too much. For example, if we get bad customer service over something I'll complain a bit to try and get a response but then give up and move on thinking it's not worth the stress. Especially if it's not something I'll really care about in 5-10-20 years time.
Having said that, I bother enough to have never been out of work. I have a decent job, we have a decent house in a nice area, good schools etc - I just don't push myself...

'er indoors on the other hand, never lets things go. It gets a bit embarrassing when she constantly complains about something because it's not quite up to her standard. She works hard, does lots of hours - works a lot harder than I do and earns less money, but that's her choice. The cleaner is a good example, we've been through about 6 now because they never quite do a good enough job. I was happy with the first one!

So how do you live life, chilled out? Or live it to the max. Have you got high standards you expect everyone else to match up to?
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Previous: Aprilia Habana Retro 50cc (beauty), Yamaha SR125 (fell apart), Honda XR125 (nippy little commuter), Honda SLR650 (Geewhizz), Yamaha Diversion 900S (Smoooooth) written off courtesy of a stupid escaped horse.
(7 year gap), BMW F650 (Relaxing ride). Aprilia Caponord ETV1000 (Big and bold). Yamaha FZS600 (got me in trouble too quick!).
Current: Yamaha TDM 900 (Comfy, light but big, power when needed).
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andyscooter
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PostPosted: 09:03 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

a quarter mile at a time Laughing Laughing Laughing

I'm chilled about things the wife worries about everything

I think this is why we are as strong as we are together

she will try to save money for everything and get the best deals for things all the time even if it means having a lower quality

I will buy the better quality product at whatever price eg:- steak

she will buy medallions for a few quid

I will buy either fillet or t bone or something
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steveh
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PostPosted: 10:07 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

With the least amount of stress possible, I've learned over the years that there is more to life than stressing about work, things you cant alter, and friends that aren't really friends.

I do what makes me, my smaller circle of friends and my girlfriend happy.
So I can safely say, at this present moment in my life, I'm the happiest I've ever been.


keeping the garage full of motorcycles helps also.
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Derivative
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PostPosted: 10:11 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

The main attitude I try to take is that our stress should be independent.

I can worry about X, and you can worry about Y, and providing there's not a fundamental clash between the two we can get on with it independently.

I don't care whether we have sun dried tomatoes or dolmio, if you do, figure it out Laughing
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CaNsA
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PostPosted: 10:13 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

andyscooter wrote:
a quarter mile at a time Laughing Laughing Laughing

https://i.imgur.com/9Nu5lMI.jpg


Last edited by CaNsA on 10:14 - 05 Oct 2016; edited 1 time in total
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angryjonny
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PostPosted: 10:14 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

This year I've finally learned not to stress about things you cannot personally change. It's quite liberating.

The wife and I are both worriers, to some degree. But we tend to worry about different things at different times and as we know what it's like we can support each other through it.

She copes by planning everything. I cope by refusing to plan. Somehow, between us, it works out.
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recman
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PostPosted: 10:36 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

Home life is pretty stress free. Mrs has more or less eased up on me doing things as I've worked hard over the years getting the house/garden in a reasonable state.
We now have time, energy and a little more disposable income to do things without involving offspring.
Work frequently pisses me off or rather the management pisses me off.
Constant cock waving contests with me as a pawn in their battles is becoming tiresome.
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skatefreak
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PostPosted: 10:39 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like my situation - 10 years...
The wife is constantly pushing and striving to get ahead at work, she's 110% dedicated and should be earning a lot more than me...

I'm idling along in a decent job, we have the mortgage, doing the holidays/travelling, I have my track bike and R1, car running on Veg and other project's etc but she's a lot more up tight and I'm a lot more relaxed in general.

I was hoping over the years she'd calm down a little but nope, still pretty highly strung.

I'm not sure where it will end up to be honest, she may eventually get sick and tired of my lack of 'ambition' and taking the time to live my life now but the way I see things, it's not worth pouring all my free time into a job, I'm already 30 and physically its downhill from here on out. I don't want to wake up at 55 and regret sacrificing my most capable and active years sitting at a desk.

At the end of the day it's a personal choice, I'm surprised how many people seem to be in relationships where 'standards' and 'drive' differ so much. I was getting mildly concerned that we were a bad match but I'm sure we'll be fine.

Just out of curiosity, how does it work out when children pitch up on the scene? My wife still insists that once we have a child motorbikes become a past time Rolling Eyes.

That one's going to create some real friction I recon Laughing
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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 10:49 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

skatefreak wrote:
The wife is constantly pushing and striving to get ahead at work, she's 110% dedicated and should be earning a lot more than me...

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/IE29WXXT17Q/hqdefault.jpg

Mrs Borg is a fretter and compulsive list-maker. I've learned to make one offer of a sympathetic ear, then just let her get over it. I do things when they need done, and then move on.

It might help that I make the money and she makes the babies, so there's no arguments over who wears the kilt.
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grr666
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PostPosted: 10:51 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd hate it if me and the Mrs were the same. We agree on very little, different politics, different work ethic,
different ways of dealing with issues. It keeps things interesting. 15 years together at the end of the month. Thumbs Up

I wouldn't change a thing. Folded arms
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Tracey Suntan-King
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PostPosted: 11:13 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

Let's face it life is a nightmare, from beginning to end.

So much to stress about.......... illness, infirmity, loss of loved ones, being made a fool of, losing out. Terrorist attacks, lack of money, low interest rates, high interest rates, crime, accident, freak weather, microbes, bacteria, chemical warfare, road rage, mechanical failure (at speed), tyre blowout, falling trees, sink holes. Pikey neighbours, over-bearing bosses, redundancy, takeover, disciplinary action, legal action, subsidence, lightning strikes. Getting too fat, getting too thin, going bald, being too hariy, accidental indecent exposure, spiders, vermin, woodworm...

Where do you stop?

I like to think of my passage through life, so far, being like that coyote who pursued the roadrunner. He never fell or came unstuck until he looked down.

https://cdn.thefiscaltimes.com/sites/default/files/styles/article_hero_image/public/articles/10152012_WileECoyote1_article.jpg?itok=ZKbOOouf

So you'd better not look down*

*credit to BB King, no royalties due

Edit: In b4 someone implies Sid is the roadrunner.
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ScaredyCat
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PostPosted: 12:43 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Re: How to live your life... Reply with quote

Feasty wrote:
So how do you live life


Like a candle in the wind....

*sings loudly*
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faffergotgunz
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PostPosted: 12:53 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

'No regrets'.

An everlasting target, that involves me thinking it, then just having to do it.

Dont want to be on a death bed with regrets of wasted life. Makes me feel sick.
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dodsi
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PostPosted: 13:24 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

Live my life in great shoes and on an expensive sofa.

Because people are rarely interested in your Travel stories.
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garth
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PostPosted: 13:32 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

Life is short. Play with your willy.
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Feasty
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PostPosted: 13:48 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm liking the replies, thanks guys. Seems the boat I'm in is actually more of a very full cruise ship!

I agree it does keep the relationship more healthy and interesting not having all the same standards, ideas or principles all the time - it just makes her extremely annoying instead! Twisted Evil

skatefreak - as for kids coming along, it does change things. Mostly in a good way, I wouldn't be without my daughter for the world. She keeps me going as she's so funny and we get on really well. She's definitely a daddy's girl. I want to do my best for her and bring her up best I can - which leads me to behaving well and setting good examples. Shocked
Unfortunately we could only have the one, and that leads to dealing with favouritism between my wife and I which is stressful at times.

Also, when my daughter was about 3 a horse decided to jump in front of my bike and write it off, along with my shoulder. This led to the in-laws quickly buying us a 2nd car so I didn't need the bike (I wonder why they did that then!). Very nice of them, but it's meant I haven't had the reason to get another bike yet - nor do we really have the finances for it at the moment.
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Previous: Aprilia Habana Retro 50cc (beauty), Yamaha SR125 (fell apart), Honda XR125 (nippy little commuter), Honda SLR650 (Geewhizz), Yamaha Diversion 900S (Smoooooth) written off courtesy of a stupid escaped horse.
(7 year gap), BMW F650 (Relaxing ride). Aprilia Caponord ETV1000 (Big and bold). Yamaha FZS600 (got me in trouble too quick!).
Current: Yamaha TDM 900 (Comfy, light but big, power when needed).
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Jewlio Rides Again LLB
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PostPosted: 14:42 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

Take a good, long look at what you have. Decide if you're happy. I mean properly happy. If you aren't, fuck it off.

If you aren't sure, put yourself in the scenario that the one you love is terminally ill, and could go at any time. That will help you decide whether or not you really are happy. Worked for me.
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M.C
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PostPosted: 15:18 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm quite chilled out but always seem to have stressy things going on. I think I'd be happiest in a cave on my own but I'm scared to try it in case I'm wrong Smile
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colink98
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PostPosted: 15:42 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

Everyone has a right to an opinion and everyone has a right to live their life how they see fit, but they also have a right to live a solitary and miserable life.

If two people are going to live together then compromise is the key.
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stevo as b4
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PostPosted: 16:42 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't try and have all the big goals, the places to go, the must see's and do's before you die etc. It gets tiring and less fulfilling chasing your dreams the more of it you do and the harder you work to achieve it. Also the more you do and see the more your opening yourself for disappointment and wanting more.

These days I'm happy doing anything from a having a run round the block, planting new heathers in my garden and seeing stuff grow, or spending half a day down the canal and catching a small perch after four hours of being cold. Putting a new sparkplug in my bike or changing the oil makes me happy, as does going for a swim and only managing a few lengths because I forgot my asthma inhaler etc.

I went away abroad on holiday this year for the first time in 3years, it was good and I enjoyed it, but I'm equally looking forward to having a week in Devon at the end of the month too.

Its a big world out there and I ain't ever going to see a fraction of it, so I'll spend my time enjoying the little stuff I can do and see with no care given to what else could be out there waiting for me.
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Fladdem
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PostPosted: 20:55 - 05 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

angryjonny wrote:

She copes by planning everything. I cope by refusing to plan. Somehow, between us, it works out.


That's what I tend to do, if I meticulously plan something, I panic about all the things that can go wrong, then when it doesn't go to plan I stress about how to get it back on track. I now no longer plan anything at all.

I handed in my notice at work a couple of weeks ago, only just got another job, turns out it's better hours, better pay and closer to home with people that, upon initial impressions, seem alright. Didn't plan, seems OK.

I'm floating through life just enjoying things and trying to say yes to as many things as I can, unfortunately it does mean I'm only just scraping through on the monetary front, but it's still all good fun. I wish I was living like this at eighteen instead of being moody. Laughing
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 18:19 - 08 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

We're quite alike in personality, and I utterly adore my fella, quite a lot of our ethics and values are the same, and there's only a year's age difference between us, so we grew up with similar influences.

But our life experiences are VASTLY different, and that makes it interesting. Having said that, I do sometimes struggle to live within the life that I seem to have become a part of. Rolling Eyes But I wouldnt have it any other way cos he is Wub very luvly Wub *


*as much as Proper Geezers can be considered to be "luvly" Laughing
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P.addy
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PostPosted: 19:06 - 08 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jewlio Rides Again wrote:
Take a good, long look at what you have. Decide if you're happy. I mean properly happy. If you aren't, fuck it off.


Agree,
my partner left and from our chats afterwards, she was not happy.

Being alone and away from someone made me realise that I too wasn't happy, I'm just far too easy going and just go with the flow.

I feel more free than I ever have, sure I'm still going with the flow and just taking each day as it is but I feel I can breathe more and actually do what I want, hence 3 booked holidays for next year... half price because I don't have to tag her along, winner winner chicken dinner.
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iooi
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PostPosted: 09:53 - 09 Oct 2016    Post subject: Re: How to live your life... Reply with quote

Feasty wrote:
The cleaner is a good example, we've been through about 6 now because they never quite do a good enough job. I was happy with the first one!

So how do you live life, chilled out? Or live it to the max. Have you got high standards you expect everyone else to match up to?


Tell her that if she is not happy with their standard of work, then do it herself.... And stop doing as much work outside the house....

Rest of the time just get on with life and the shit it throws at you. Health is far more important than anything else.

I get sick of hearing people winging on that they have waited 20 min's to speak to someone about their trivial issue, that could have been solved in half the time if they had actually thought about it and taken the correct course of action (not ring me)

I have spoken to one person that told me that they had rang up 5 times over the same issue (solved with the company for him in less than a minute Rolling Eyes ) and he got me to total up the time he had spent on the phone and what he thought the cost was (£7.98) it is actually free, but that was going straight over his head. After I had resolved his issue. He then started on his life story and wasted a hour on this...... Shocked

My only stress is balancing my home family against having to look after mother.
The rest of the shit I could not care less about.

We only get one shot at life and I'm fucked if it's going to get me down Laughing
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Piercee100
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PostPosted: 15:46 - 14 Oct 2016    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would have to say that my life is fairly stressful. My lovely wife is bit of a potato mentally, a retired model that's starting to let her looks slide, but the sex is still kinky and great! Have 4 kids, and I work stupid hours for stupid pay but I have plans for the future so it's all work hard, save now spend later.

Really need to decorate the front room too. Sad Damn I'm negative today.
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