|
Author |
Message |
Howling Terror |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Howling Terror Super Spammer
Joined: 05 Dec 2008 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
hellkat |
This post is not being displayed .
|
hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
|
Posted: 13:11 - 14 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
We did.
But we got over it.
____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
hellkat |
This post is not being displayed .
|
hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
|
Posted: 13:15 - 14 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a teetotal spoil-sport.
I'm just not a boozer.
I like a drink: champagne not prosecco, or a brace of cocktails or three, a wine and cheese party, a G&T or two, but I get bored of the taste of alcohol.
I never feel the need to drink alone, I'd rather drink coffee or tea or juice. I might have a glass of wine with a proper dinner but once I've finished eating I'm not interested in drinking more. Perhaps one or two with a girlfriend, or at a soiree, but I'd rather eat the cheese, or the roast beef on rye. Eating is my addiction, my go-to comfort thing.
I hate hangovers, have thrown up in my own hair once too often, woken up with someone I don't even like more often than I care to admit, and I don't like the person I am when I am drunk, so I didn't really find booze to be my thing. I enjoy a drink.
But that's about all.
I was reintroduced to weed in my early 40s, long after I had split up with this fella, and I embraced it (passionately, LOL).
The whole time I was married to the guy, I knew he was an alcoholic. He had run off to be in the merchant navy aged 16, which had a huge drinking culture, and he also liked to use the excuse that he was Italian and "Italians always drink wine, its what we do..."
But he was an adoring father, a cracking shag and a great cook.
So I watched him stagger about, I coaxed him out of cars and into the house, I left him to sleep in the bath, I (eventually) wiped up the pasta dinners he had dropped on the floor when trying to eat when intoxicated. He pissed up my leg or my back in his sleep when I was asleep beside him. I aired the mattress, washed the sheets, you get the idea.
But I never once accused him of being a drunken wanker. Because he was the father of my daughter.
He knows what he is. I am powerless to stop him, and I will not even attempt to do so. I might suggest he goes to AA, but his personal brand of scornfulness and vitriol is not something I am bothered about these days. ____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
chickenstrip |
This post is not being displayed .
|
chickenstrip Super Spammer
Joined: 06 Dec 2013 Karma :
|
Posted: 14:46 - 14 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
hellkat wrote: |
I was reintroduced to weed in my early 40s, long after I had split up with this fella, and I embraced it (passionately, LOL). |
I think this might be how I got myself off the booze. This and a growing interest in music and playing guitar. I did weed to the same extent I did alcohol then for many years, but it was never something I had the same "Oh God, I need it right now!" kind of thing. Weed made me lazy (lazier ), so that wasn't all good, but it was certainly less of a problem than booze. And when I finally found myself in a situation where it wasn't available anymore, it was no big deal, hasn't been since.
The moral of the story is, if you're an alcoholic, smoke more weed! ____________________ Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE! |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
hellkat |
This post is not being displayed .
|
hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
|
Posted: 16:49 - 14 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Oddly enough ... I left him a little bit of weed quite a while ago.
He gave up weed and tobacco years ago, but I had some to spare (cheap leaves, no bud, yay!) so I gave him a little bit of it, in case he felt in the mood, about six months ago. I guess I must have been subconsciously hoping he would drink less brandy and smoke weed instead. I dunno.
When I saw him the weekend before he went into hospital, he admitted that he'd had a little bit of it and that surprisingly he felt as though it had helped him think more clearly (!!) So he must have recognised he was having brain fog from the booze.
So while I was tidying up, I just tucked away what was left of it; he can do what he wants with it, at a later date.
I've not chucked out his brandy or his rum, either - and I noticed when I stopped in to visit on Friday that he had already poured himself a small glass of wine, but that's not for me to try and push that change through. ____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
hellkat |
This post is not being displayed .
|
hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
|
Posted: 16:56 - 14 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
chickenstrip |
This post is not being displayed .
|
chickenstrip Super Spammer
Joined: 06 Dec 2013 Karma :
|
Posted: 16:59 - 14 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
hellkat wrote: |
I'll drink to that |
Great, I'll put the kettle on ____________________ Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE! |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
hellkat |
This post is not being displayed .
|
hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
|
Posted: 17:30 - 14 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
I could murder a whiskey sour, though.
Just a little one ... ____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
MCN |
This post is not being displayed .
|
MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Robby |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Robby Dirty Old Man
Joined: 16 May 2002 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
MCN |
This post is not being displayed .
|
MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
|
Posted: 22:39 - 14 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
hellkat wrote: | I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a teetotal spoil-sport.
I'm just not a boozer.
I like a drink: champagne not prosecco, or a brace of cocktails or three, a wine and cheese party, a G&T or two, but I get bored of the taste of alcohol.
I never feel the need to drink alone, I'd rather drink coffee or tea or juice. I might have a glass of wine with a proper dinner but once I've finished eating I'm not interested in drinking more. Perhaps one or two with a girlfriend, or at a soiree, but I'd rather eat the cheese, or the roast beef on rye. Eating is my addiction, my go-to comfort thing.
I hate hangovers, have thrown up in my own hair once too often, woken up with someone I don't even like more often than I care to admit, and I don't like the person I am when I am drunk, so I didn't really find booze to be my thing. I enjoy a drink.
But that's about all.
I was reintroduced to weed in my early 40s, long after I had split up with this fella, and I embraced it (passionately, LOL).
The whole time I was married to the guy, I knew he was an alcoholic. He had run off to be in the merchant navy aged 16, which had a huge drinking culture, and he also liked to use the excuse that he was Italian and "Italians always drink wine, its what we do..."
But he was an adoring father, a cracking shag and a great cook.
So I watched him stagger about, I coaxed him out of cars and into the house, I left him to sleep in the bath, I (eventually) wiped up the pasta dinners he had dropped on the floor when trying to eat when intoxicated. He pissed up my leg or my back in his sleep when I was asleep beside him. I aired the mattress, washed the sheets, you get the idea.
But I never once accused him of being a drunken wanker. Because he was the father of my daughter.
He knows what he is. I am powerless to stop him, and I will not even attempt to do so. I might suggest he goes to AA, but his personal brand of scornfulness and vitriol is not something I am bothered about these days. |
AA is a crock of shite. I think it is religious based nonsense that it's proven does not work.
There are better 'programes' to try. ____________________ Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Easy-X |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Easy-X Super Spammer
Joined: 08 Mar 2019 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Bhud |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Bhud World Chat Champion
Joined: 11 Oct 2018 Karma :
|
Posted: 01:10 - 15 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
hellkat wrote: | he also liked to use the excuse that he was Italian and "Italians always drink wine, its what we do..." |
That's interesting.
Italians do drink wine, it's true. But they exercise moderation - it's not a country full of people dying from booze (unlike, say, France in the 70s and 80s, where it was the leading cause of death, even surpassing old age!) Moderation is intrinsic to Italian drinking habits. For starters, they don't drink alone but in company (perhaps this custom originates from the Roman symposium). Second, they drink with food, like the Spanish do. Third, they know how to stop after n glasses (n being 2 or 3).
Puritanical and polarised attitudes towards booze are, on the other hand, as British as fish and chips. It would be completely pointless to tell that guy to stop drinking - of course he would pour scorn on the idea. Drinking bad, not-drinking good isn't an argument that would stand a chance, because it's mixed up with that whole protestant sin-and-repentance (AA-type stuff) thing, whereas from his cultural perspective, wine is the holy sacrament, the literal blood of Jove, etc.
Like the Aussie expat whose Asian friends couldn't help him stop drinking too much (he had the "excuse" of having hard-drinking genes unlike them) but his Aussie friends and family back home probably could, your ex-husband is probably better off in an Italian surrounding where people can keep an eye on him, know what to tell him and put him back on a course of moderation. Let's face it, British people are unlikely to provide the almost melodramatic emotional backdrop to any support from which he would benefit. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
pepperami |
This post is not being displayed .
|
pepperami Super Spammer
Joined: 17 Jan 2010 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Easy-X |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Easy-X Super Spammer
Joined: 08 Mar 2019 Karma :
|
Posted: 13:44 - 15 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Yeah, neighbour over the road was a right lush. Tried to avoid her parties 'cos it was a glass of vodka with a thimble of cola
She died in her 40's - definitely some drinking to cover for something else but sadly wasn't around long enough to really get to know her.
Ex-business partner though was definitely your selfish alcoholic didn't matter to him that he was turning up a clients' sites pissed at 11am... didn't care how much shit I got when he turned up late, e.g. past 11pm, at some sites demanding drink when he could barely walk. (Damn you, Uber, you're an enabler!) ____________________ Husqvarna Vitpilen 401, Yamaha XSR700, Honda Rebel, Yamaha DT175, Suzuki SV650 (loan) Fazer 600, Keeway Superlight 125, 50cc turd scooter |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
MCN |
This post is not being displayed .
|
MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
hellkat |
This post is not being displayed .
|
hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
hellkat |
This post is not being displayed .
|
hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
|
Posted: 23:26 - 15 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Bhud wrote: | Italians do drink wine, it's true. But they exercise moderation - it's not a country full of people dying from booze (unlike, say, France in the 70s and 80s, where it was the leading cause of death, even surpassing old age!) Moderation is intrinsic to Italian drinking habits. For starters, they don't drink alone but in company (perhaps this custom originates from the Roman symposium). Second, they drink with food, like the Spanish do. Third, they know how to stop after n glasses (n being 2 or 3). |
Yes, that's how it used to be. And that was the sort of justification he used to use ... he was only having a couple with dinner.
Or a couple on Sunday morning, with espresso, before going to his mother's for dinner. A couple of civilised beakers of wine, just two fingers, that sort of thing. Ended up being a bottle and a half, cos i would only have drank a glass or so, whilst eating. The number of times I wanted to say "You don't *have* to finish the bottle".
But I'm pretty sure the rot had set in long before that, as when I met him in 1985/86, he was smashing Tennants Extra on a regular basis.
He drinks alone now because he's such a grumpy old fucker that nobody wants to stick around to listen to the vitriol. Actually, he doesn't *always* drink alone. His next door neighbour sometimes comes in and they cook things like salt cod with rice, and drink brandy and Mount Gay white rum together
Quote: | ...your ex-husband is probably better off in an Italian surrounding where people can keep an eye on him, know what to tell him and put him back on a course of moderation. |
There are not very many of the old ones left, he is 66 already himself, and even his cousins are now ageing and self-involved with their own ailments. Almost all his uncles and aunts have died by now. Italy would not be good to him.
I've tried to talk him this evening into making alterations to his social life, which mostly he was scornful and dejected about.
But now that you mention that, I might just drag him along to the Italian church for the Our Lady of Mount Carmel festival that I am planning to attend, and let him have a bit of a chat to some Italians in London, see how that pans out. He might find some old muckers to hang out with.
____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
hellkat |
This post is not being displayed .
|
hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
|
Posted: 23:32 - 15 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Anyhow, I'm not "going down with the ship".
My main reason for doing this at all is that I couldn't look Anita in the face if her father died and I couldn't honestly tell her that I tried to keep an eye on him, or to help him, even a little bit, when he needed
it. Even if he pegs it or goes ga-ga, I have to be able to live with myself in her company knowing that I did what I could, but in fact he's already done most of the damage himself.
We had quite an in-depth conversation about several things that hopefully gave him some food for thought. I did attempt to open up the "curbing the drink" question but not in a huge way.
I think just putting ideas back in his head is all I can do. I've done my kinda-weekly visit and now I have a whole rake of my own shite to deal with which I have put on hold till he got out of hospital, and on top of that there's Easter and dogsitting with Max, so I won't be likely to be back there until more than a week's time. (Max chased his cat last time we were there together, so I can' risk having that happen again, LOL)
I'm working on setting the scene for the subject of the reason they are medicating him with Thiamine is because the boozing has fucked the wiring in several of his systems. Its not dawned on him yet, and he doesn't "do" internet, so can't research it.
Hopefully he will cope. I guess if he doesn't, the carers and occupational therapists will be certain to let me know. I've done my bit, I'm at arms length if they want to talk to me about their work with him. ____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
MCN |
This post is not being displayed .
|
MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
|
Posted: 03:26 - 16 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
hellkat wrote: | Anyhow, I'm not "going down with the ship".
My main reason for doing this at all is that I couldn't look Anita in the face if her father died and I couldn't honestly tell her that I tried to keep an eye on him, or to help him, even a little bit, when he needed
it. Even if he pegs it or goes ga-ga, I have to be able to live with myself in her company knowing that I did what I could, but in fact he's already done most of the damage himself.
We had quite an in-depth conversation about several things that hopefully gave him some food for thought. I did attempt to open up the "curbing the drink" question but not in a huge way.
I think just putting ideas back in his head is all I can do. I've done my kinda-weekly visit and now I have a whole rake of my own shite to deal with which I have put on hold till he got out of hospital, and on top of that there's Easter and dogsitting with Max, so I won't be likely to be back there until more than a week's time. (Max chased his cat last time we were there together, so I can' risk having that happen again, LOL)
I'm working on setting the scene for the subject of the reason they are medicating him with Thiamine is because the boozing has fucked the wiring in several of his systems. Its not dawned on him yet, and he doesn't "do" internet, so can't research it.
Hopefully he will cope. I guess if he doesn't, the carers and occupational therapists will be certain to let me know. I've done my bit, I'm at arms length if they want to talk to me about their work with him. |
Someone's addiction can be another person's sentence.
That is the worst part of relationship involving addicts.
The professionals get to go home.
There's a great old movie with Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan
'When a man loves a woman'. Really scary. ____________________ Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Robby |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Robby Dirty Old Man
Joined: 16 May 2002 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
pepperami |
This post is not being displayed .
|
pepperami Super Spammer
Joined: 17 Jan 2010 Karma :
|
Posted: 11:00 - 19 Apr 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
I had to deal with an alcoholic at work yesterday.
I can see why people, and that includes me think most of them are a waste of oxygen.
He came in with stomach and chest pains and was clearly in a bad way.
Five minutes into his assessment, he’s swearing and threatening staff .
Duty of care and all that, so we are bound to care for/ treat him.
Five minutes later he’s absconded because he wants a fag and “I need a f*cking drink you c*nts”
After explaining to him he needs to go inside and comply or we can’t help him, he demands his treatment outside in the smoking area so he can continue to have a ciggy and a drink??.??? Really??
The whole time he was in our company, he was abusive and threatening to everybody.
What a waste of space.
Personally, I’d send him to Switzerland ____________________ I am the sum total of my own existence, what went before makes me who I am now!
Last edited by pepperami on 12:37 - 19 Apr 2019; edited 1 time in total |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
hellkat |
This post is not being displayed .
|
hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Ribenapigeon |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Ribenapigeon Super Spammer
Joined: 20 Feb 2012 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
hellkat |
This post is not being displayed .
|
hellkat Super Spammer
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :
|
Posted: 00:15 - 25 Apr 2019 Post subject: Re: Drinking yourself to death |
|
|
Ribenapigeon wrote: | really interesting stuff |
Yes it does help.
His nutrition is already pretty good. He eats almost no readycooked food, prepares most things from scratch. He loves to cook, always has.
The fact that they are dosing with thiamine is what brought it home to me that they were treating the boozing, and not the stroke.
When he came out of hospital, I checked his medications for new ones and when I realised that B vitamins were the only change to his medication regime, I knew they had decided it was the alcohol induced brain damage that need treating the most.
As I am probably one of the few people who could tell how he's changed, I tried to quantify some of the possible changes during phone calls from the neurologists, but it would take me a long time to unpick all the different "brain-related" symptoms and how he used to be, from how he is now. Doctors simply don't have that much time to spend.
He shouted at me yesterday on the phone and then hung up on me (typical behaviour) ... so I've taken a back seat. I am happy to be relieved of the responsibility of giving a shit.
So although I've vaguely promised to pop in and see him from time to time, my next official visit is likely to not be until the 8th when his sister and I agreed to inflict ourselves upon him en masse.
He's not going to like that
Meh.
Our daughter's home for 3 weeks in less than a month's time (yay, excited mum).
That should be ... *sigh* ... stressful.
For all concerned. ____________________ Not nearly as interesting in real life. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 5 years, 48 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
|
|
|