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| shadowbiker |
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 shadowbiker Traffic Copper

Joined: 14 Oct 2009 Karma :     
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 Posted: 02:32 - 27 Nov 2009 Post subject: deaths |
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ive recently had a family member pass away, they died a natural death. but i just cant come to terms with it very well, how do you get over your family/friends deaths ?
another thing thats upsetting me is that it was my great gran now my gran ( the daughter of my great gran ) can no longer lift things very well so shes very deverstated by it but shes asked me to help carry the coffin. but its annoying me because she really wants to do it.
she has taught me so much that it just bugs me now that i wont be able to help her with the things shes taught me to do
RIP betty 28/1/1912 to 26/11/2009 |
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| Alexio |
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 Alexio World Chat Champion

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| shadowbiker |
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 shadowbiker Traffic Copper

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| Alexio |
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 Alexio World Chat Champion

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| shadowbiker |
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 shadowbiker Traffic Copper

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 Alexio World Chat Champion

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| Barry_M2 |
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 Barry_M2 World Chat Champion

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| cvntdude |
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 cvntdude Spanner Monkey

Joined: 22 Nov 2009 Karma :    
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 Posted: 11:01 - 27 Nov 2009 Post subject: |
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Pics or it did not happen TIT 50 ...
Pics or it did not happen TIT 50 ...  ____________________ We all choose what to think about ... |
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| Wilson123 |
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 Wilson123 Nearly there...

Joined: 19 Jun 2009 Karma :    
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 Posted: 11:30 - 27 Nov 2009 Post subject: |
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I've never lost someone so close to me that it's really hit me hard and I'm not looking forward to when it does, my Grandad died last Thursday after years of battling emphysema. I feel so sorry for my Dad, his brothers and of course my Grandma who now has nobody
I've always been reminded that we all die one day, so as long as you enjoy your life before you pop it there's no reason to be upset
I just hope I can think the same way if I outlive my parents
I hope you feel much better about your loss sooner or later, if your gran was here now she wouldn't want to putting holes in doors and such  ____________________ Doug97 wrote: Fuck you, what they did was awesome. You just wish you had the balls to be like them, instead of being constantly afraid that there's a rule somewhere out there you might be breaking. |
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| map |
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 map Mr Calendar

Joined: 14 Jun 2004 Karma :     
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 Posted: 11:40 - 27 Nov 2009 Post subject: Re: deaths |
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| shadowbiker wrote: | i...how do you get over your family/friends deaths ?... |
IMO you don't. You just slowly accept the fact that they're not around anymore. You remember the good times, funny saying, events, etc. that made them special for you.
That said depending on my mood I can still get sentimental and maudlin after hearing a particular piece of music, news item, reading, seeing a photo, etc.. It's hard when someone that's been there all your life and you always want to be there suddenly isn't. It could take years before these feelings diminish. However, would you ever want them to disappear altogether?
I think someone once said they're always there in our hearts and always with us if we remember them (or something like that but better said). Would you want it any other way?
 ____________________ ...and the whirlwind is in the thorn trees, it's hard for thee to kick against the pricks...
Gibbs, what did Duckie look like when he was younger?  |
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| lostboy |
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 lostboy Crazy Courier

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| Fawbish |
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 Fawbish World Chat Champion

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| Syx |
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 Syx World Chat Champion

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| Vincent |
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 Vincent Banned

Joined: 16 Oct 2006 Karma :    
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 Posted: 14:39 - 27 Nov 2009 Post subject: |
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My Mom passed away a few months back and it was one of the worst experiences of my life so far The hospital was a shithole and he nurses were being really rough. To top this, much to my Mums amazement, she was put n a mixed ward and was next to some old hobo. It was all a bit too undignified for me.
Time is the healer - apparantly. |
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| cvntdude |
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 cvntdude Spanner Monkey

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| shadowbiker |
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 shadowbiker Traffic Copper

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| cvntdude |
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 cvntdude Spanner Monkey

Joined: 22 Nov 2009 Karma :    
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 Posted: 16:57 - 27 Nov 2009 Post subject: |
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Your threats and words are meaningless, you can't back fuck all up, your full of shit, and i'd rather engage in bestiality that be anything like you ... prick ...  ____________________ We all choose what to think about ... |
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 shadowbiker Traffic Copper

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| cvntdude |
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 cvntdude Spanner Monkey

Joined: 22 Nov 2009 Karma :    
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 Posted: 17:03 - 27 Nov 2009 Post subject: |
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lmao ... pot, kettle, black ... you've just stated how the majority of BCF members proberly feel about you after your mutiple shit, .. you may find many annoyances from me kid, but not one lie in over a 1000 posts, and if your lying about this death for sympathy then your even more flawed and desperate than i consider you at present .... dickhead, in scuds words, of the highest order ...  ____________________ We all choose what to think about ... |
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| Numptie |
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 Numptie Renault 5 Driver
Joined: 28 Oct 2009 Karma :    
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 Posted: 18:05 - 27 Nov 2009 Post subject: Re: deaths |
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| shadowbiker wrote: | ive recently had a family member pass away, they died a natural death. but i just cant come to terms with it very well, how do you get over your family/friends deaths ?
another thing thats upsetting me is that it was my great gran now my gran ( the daughter of my great gran ) can no longer lift things very well so shes very deverstated by it but shes asked me to help carry the coffin. but its annoying me because she really wants to do it.
she has taught me so much that it just bugs me now that i wont be able to help her with the things shes taught me to do
RIP betty 28/1/1912 to 26/11/2009 |
Reading your question, I felt rather perturbed.
How do you get over your family/friends' deaths?
It left me rent with a hole, thinking that you seemed to be asking for a formula. A protocol, or some kind of mechanical way of dealing with either death (loss), or your emotions. In any case, I can't offer any solution. Just notes from what helped me 'bear' and continue living and bearing death. Read if you wish.
I'm not sure we ever really 'come to terms' or 'get over' personal death. That's what they do on Eastenders or American soap films. In real life, we celebrate the recollection of our loved one's presence. Some of us grasped the true meaning of the word 'Presence' before it became bastardised into some physical entity of just physically hanging around someone, rather than being conscious of their presence, even in their physical absence.
In this kind of spiritless Void, struggling with grief passes for the norm, except for those who deny their grief altogether, and 'get over it'. Presence gives way to Absence; when we don't celebrate the former, we live out the latter. Maybe that is what you mean, when you tell us....it is not as easy as words, when people say 'you'll get over it'.
What helped me through loss of close family and friends ... was precisely that: close family and friends. The loss of one, did not drive me into isolation and self-pity into the solipsistic world of my own. It opened me into the love of friends and family who exist: those who are still present and with me; those who open into solidarity with me, and resonate the same loss; feel for the same loss, reach out for it, and transform it with their weeping hands, as much as I do with my crying fingers. It is solidarity in loss, a mark of that kind of communion between the closest of friends, who know who has been ripped from the fabric of their lives, and can feel that rip, each moment of life. It is through close family and friends...that that rip becomes healed, and scars become closed. The cliché: "Time heals all wounds" is exactly that: a cliché. Nothing more, nothing less. Time rips at the scars as much as it it can give the semblance of healing any wound. In fact, time is indifferent to your hurt; time does not care for your loss; time does not care for your emotion. It is a quantity; a cyclical quantity, which endures and carries on, unable to feel anything for death or loss. How thick ~ no ~ how incredibly thick, those who utter such vain clichés are. Time can't do any of that. Even the voice of the dead, will tell you that, the dead never wished for you to join them, and being a part of the living dead who don't cope with the loss that comes through death, is not a future which the dead would wish on one still living either.
No ~ time cannot heal wounds. Only you can. And it is easier with support, from those who still exist and love you ... if you are able to open up and appreciate them. It's not possible to 'get over' death without either amnesia or blanking off emotion, filling up every busy second with busy-ness to avoid thinking about loss. At best, we carry the dead: we carry their loss; in our minds; in our hearts - and we recollect and commemorate the loss, individually; with our family or community who share the same loss periodically; we carry it together; not alone; and in carrying each other, we carry each others' burdens until we are carried through our loss, such that our loss, no longer holds us in emotional grief, yet still enables us to feel the enduring loss....that of missing someone'.
Last edited by Numptie on 18:42 - 27 Nov 2009; edited 1 time in total |
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 Ste Not Work Safe

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| Numptie |
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 Numptie Renault 5 Driver
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 Ste Not Work Safe

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| Numptie |
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 Numptie Renault 5 Driver
Joined: 28 Oct 2009 Karma :    
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 Posted: 18:40 - 27 Nov 2009 Post subject: |
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I don't know Tony/Shadowbiker whoever.
It seems rather bizarre for people to post fictional accounts; however when we consider the world of emotion: dealing with death: it is not the specifics that matter. It is the emotion itself.
This is one reason, why fiction is irrelevant in accounts of personal experience of death; those who fictionalise deaths.....if fictionalising can even be used in any correct sense of the word here, are merely being inauthentic about their position. Inauthentic about their emotions; inauthentic about being anything. Especially, inauthentic about being themselves.
When we consider equally, how this is the default position, in which human beings, reach out to others, then you will see......there really is no difference then, between the inauthentic human, who strives to pull the wool over others eyes; and the inauthentic human, who does not know that he is doing it. Neither are worthy of distinction, because neither are striving for authenticity in relaying their experience.
What you describe in the end of your statement...'it's quite fair enough to question ..... if x's story is real...'.....yes. Yes. This is indeed the default position for the modern world. We are sceptical of anything and everything we read. Particularly, anything that might be authentic or inauthentic. Not that we have the acumen, to separate the two anyway.
So again; what does it matter? If someone 'fictionalises' what he says; he is out to impress others; impress others of what he has been through; impress himself that he might be more than himself; impress others, that he is not the dowdy self that he might be. And again on the opposite hand, if Cassandra speaks the truth which is too unbearable to hear, why should we not be sceptical? Why not just shut down the whole forum board, so that we don't need to differentiate between fiction/reality?
Sorry...that's just the small point I was making about why reality/fiction is not of concern to me. |
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| cvntdude |
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 cvntdude Spanner Monkey

Joined: 22 Nov 2009 Karma :    
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 Posted: 18:51 - 27 Nov 2009 Post subject: |
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Good for you, now carry of with you authentic ramblings to some joker whos nan is proberly alive and well, waste your time and effort, fictional account and posts derived from them matter little to you aslong as you get to type .. ! ... ridiculous ...  ____________________ We all choose what to think about ... |
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 16 years, 259 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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